• Emily

if the fates allow

Today is December 22: a very significant day! In addition to being three more shopping days until Christmas, it's also my dad's birthday, my parents' anniversary, and my mom left this morning to return to Michigan.

My mom was here for about a week and luckily for all of us, my health never really got to the Worst-Case Scenario level that I experienced in November. That didn't stop her from being an A+ mom and helping whenever possible, including making us dinner and helping with dishes while I napped, and driving me around when I was tired. Nothing is better than having your mom around when you aren't feeling your best. That's a fact.

Side-effect-wise, the worst thing I'm dealing with now is just exhaustion and fatigue. (lol "just" -- it's brutal) -- I am finding that normal things exhaust me and I have to schedule naps throughout the day to get through it. Of course, fatigue is a normal side effect of Opdivo so this is not really anything to be concerned about. But it's frustrating because I have always tried to be strong and I've always taken pride in my strength. I could barely shovel snow the other day and it really bothered me.

The exhaustion has had me bursting into tears more often these days. My palliative care team (they are wonderful, I love them) keeps making the point that I need to show myself grace and patience. This isn't easy for me. Improving my already bad habit of negative self-talk was already on my Giant List of Self-Improvement Things That I Very Much Need To Do Someday. But I guess I'm adding "grace and patience for my body and my brain, both operating under different and more difficult circumstances" to the list.

I have a check-in with my oncologist next week to make sure that this treatment hasn't wrought more havoc on my liver and kidneys. If all goes well, I will have another Opdivo treatment on January 12.

I'm not sure if I'll update again before Christmas, but I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful, restful, and above all else, healthy holiday!

Here's my absolute favorite rendition of any Christmas song ever:

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