I have heard back from the doctor I saw last week on the two biopsies they did:
The thing in my scalp was benign, called a blue nevus (weird).
The thing on my back (although the doctor said "on the flank" which makes me feel like a cow being sold at a market) was indeed another melanoma
This is both good news and bad news.
I didn't realize how much I secretly hoped the first diagnosis was a mistake until I got off the phone. It's not a mistake. It's a second opinion, and it's the same one.
Hi, I'm Emily, and I have cancer and had no idea. What an absolutely wild thing.
Answers are cool though, and that paired with the fact that I finally have my PET scan and MRI scheduled (September 2 and 7 respectively) and the added recommendation that I get a few more choice body parts checked out thoroughly (including my eyes and unmentionables) has helped me feel like we are at least narrowing things down and will eventually find our answers on where the primary tumor is located in me -- even though some of those possibilities are still damn scary.
In the meantime, I worry. I worry about how I'll do at work with all this going on. I worry about how this will impact my singing season. And on a smaller level, I worry about saying the wrong thing to people about my own situation that may make them uncomfortable. And on a deeper level, I worry about the things I will not say aloud. I'm trying to live my life as normal, so I guess it's lucky I was already a worrier.
At least there is fantastic music to keep me company while I worry.