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  • Emily

time may change me, but I can't trace time

Hello! I don't have much in the way of news, which is just as well as I've been feeling so much better these days. Updates make more sense when things are going on, but when I'm just feeling good and living my life there's not much to say, I guess!


However, I did have some medical appointments this past week. The first was a check-in with my endocrinologist. She tested my blood to make sure that the hydrocortisone and fludrocortisone have been making a difference and the answer is yes, I am doing much better! The only complaint I had was that I haven't been sleeping well since starting the steroids, so she is giving me the opportunity to test out a smaller afternoon dose.


Sidebar: I'm not sure I've explained this. But the way the steroids are taken in Adrenal Insufficiency is usually a higher dose right after waking up, then a smaller dose in the late afternoon. This is to mimic the body's natural rhythm throughout the day. I have been taking 10 mg in the morning and 5 mg at 4:30 pm, apparently one of the smaller doses they recommend, given what my doctor calls my "tiny frame." This new dose I was trying was 2.5 mg, or whatever granules of medicine I could collect from my pill cutter.


I tried out the smaller dose for a few days but I found myself not feeling great in the mornings. I am back on my normal dose for another few days. I'm not sure If I'll try the smaller dose again but I appreciate that my endocrinologist gave me the space to find what works best for me. One of the biggest things I've learned with this whole cancer experience is that I always assumed medicine was cut and dry, you have x problem, they do y. Of course, it's not that easy. I should've realized that, but I guess that is wisdom that comes with growing older and realizing we're all just doing our best.


I got an immunotherapy treatment as well last week. The NPs I saw were thrilled with my blood work, and to my delight, my favorite nurse even told me that if there was an award for best blood work I would have won it that day. It was fantastic to see-- every number was in the healthy and normal range (with the exception of my glucose, which was elevated because I snarfed a peanut butter & jelly sandwich in the car on the way to the appointment). I think technically I had better results than before I even started treatment in September. But it is kind of nice to have the scientific evidence that I'm really feeling pretty much like my regular, healthy self.


Other non-health news is somewhat exciting, Isaac starts a new job soon, we did our taxes, and I paid off my student loans from the master's I finished in 2009. Another sidebar: I didn't ever expect to pay my loans off before I turned 40. If you had told me in April of 2020 when both Isaac and I found ourselves jobless and terrified that in two years I'd have cancer but will have paid off my student loans, I would... I don't know. I guess I'd probably believe it because that sounds like just my kind of luck.


As a final thought, this past week was also what would have been my grandma's 100th birthday. She's been on all our minds this week, of course. I hope to make as much of an impact on the world as she did. But I guess one upside of the cancer experience is this: I have more vivid dreams these days. And although I didn't get to see her in person before she passed, I have seen her in my dreams three times. I suppose I should remember that not every trick my brain plays on me is a bad one.


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